Burrow House

fractured fairy tale, part III

Then, the story goes on, as you know it. The wolf, as his revenge, decides to eat the three little pigs. The wolf started to run over to the first little pig’s house. The pigs had their lifelong disguise as just, well, regular pigs. Their houses were none too fancy, and they acted very innocent. The wolf made it up to Dylan’s house and called with his roughest voice, “ Dylan, Dylan let me in! You sent my brothers to jail!” Then Dylan replied in his sweetest most innocent voice, “ not by the hairs on my chinny- chin chin! If you try to come in, you will fail!” With the wolf being so moody, he just decided to blow down Dylan’s house of straw, and he did. The only problem was, Dylan suspected this and was already halfway over to the second pigs house, Morgan’s.

            The pig beat the wolf to Morgan’s house, but not by much, and a house of sticks cannot beat the winds of a wolf. “Little piggy’s, little piggy’s, let me in!” The wolf was getting more and more upset every passing moment for losing two brothers and a free dinner. The two pigs yelled at the same time. “ Only a dry throat will you win! We won’t let you in, so then you must try to blow us down!”

So the wolf blew down the house of sticks, and with shock on their faces, they began to run towards Bradley’s house, hoping that she would let them in.

 

            The wolf had lost his temper now. He had lost too much in one day. When he got to Bradley’s house of bricks, he called” Gosh darn it let me in, I am getting annoyed so let me in!” But the pigs knew that a wolf couldn’t blow down a house of bricks, so Bradley called, “ No, I will not let you win, win, win!” So the wolf huffed, and he puffed, but he could not blow down the house of bricks. While the wolf kept on trying to low down the house of brick, Morgan called the cops and said there was a crazy wolf trying to beat down their door. The cops then came and took away that wolf, and sent him to a city jail for four years.

 

            The pigs were scared, so they decided to renounce their dreadful ways. After they sold their goods on the black market they each bought a mansion and lived happily ever after.

The end.

Hope this story gave you at least one giggle. Join us tomorrow for our regularly scheduled programming. 

fractured fairy tale, part II

Then they crept back into the walls and watched through the peepholes. Of course, the powder worked, and soon the pigs were out of the walls and roaming the corridors, stripping the walls bare of anything with value. Then they were in the queen’s chamber, and they stole everything. Jewelry, clothes, everything that was in her room they stole. They stuffed everything they stole into their bag that never grew full. (They stole that from a giant in Alaska.) Then they went back to the dining room and robbed the sleeping queen of everything she had, her crown, her jewelry, even her purse. Then they went up to the guests and stole all of their stuff too.

 

When they thought they were in the clear, disaster struck! Three guards started walking down the hallway, and when they saw the pigs, they set the alarm off to trap the pigs. Then with pure ninja skill, with back flips and somersaults, with kicks and punches, soon all of the guards were tied up and the pigs were escaping the building. The pigs barely made it out of the building before the police arrived. They still weren’t done. The hard part was done but they still had to frame the wolf brothers.

 

They crept through the back alleys, trying to get to their jet without getting caught. They avoided any people or animals that they saw. Soon they were back in the plane. They were flying to their private plane tarmac in eastern Kentucky. They were about to frame the wolves’ for one of the biggest crimes in the world.

 

They landed on the tarmac at six o’ clock in the morning, and took a limo to the wolves’ houses. Just like the three little pigs, the wolves’ houses were all near each other. The pigs snuck into each house, one at a time. First, they went to the eldest brother’s house and left a little present on the table. They left a sword and a shield. Also, they set up a small video camera in the uppermost corner of the room to watch what the wolf did.

In the youngest wolfs house, they left a larger amount of items. They left silver goblets, a gold mirror, and some silver forks, spoons, and knives. Then they set up another camera in the corner of the room.

They saw the wolf brothers rounding the corner on the hill, and knew they had to hurry. They scurried into the middle brothers house, and dropped off two valuable paintings. They were in too much of a hurry to put the video camera in the corner of the room. The three pigs barely closed the door and were around the corner before the first wolf opened the door of his house and walked in.

 

            Later, as the pigs were home with a blanket and a cup of hot chocolate for the each of them, they watched what the wolves would do with their new prizes. The pigs snickered as they watched the wolves examine the artifacts, enjoying the looks of confusion on their faces. The oldest and the youngest brothers, being as uneducated as they were, immediately called the police and said there were strange objects in their house. The police decided they were some drunks that decided to have a little fun, so they started to drive over to arrest the wolves for thievery.

 

            The middle wolf, unseen by the camera that the pigs didn’t have time to install, knew these were famous paintings and knew that something bad was happening. He threw the paintings into the fire, and decided to take a walk and think about what had happened that day.

 

            While that wolf took his long walk through the woods, the police came along and took his brothers and the artifacts. The wolves went to court and suffered a sentenced of four years in prison. They also relieved the two wolves of the queen’s artifacts and gave them back to her.

 

            When the wolf got back from his long walk, he was shocked and dismayed to find out that his brothers had gone to Alcatraz and wouldn’t be back for another four years. He tried many ways to get them out of jail legally, but it was impossible. Then he knew he wanted to get revenge at the people (or animals) that had done this to him and his brothers, and he knew exactly who did it. Who had been enemies with the wolves for a long time? Who wanted them out of their way? The pigs of course, and the wolf sought revenge.

to be continued...

fractured fairy tale, part I

Now, 13 year old boys are not typically known for their writing prowess.  Mine is no exception. But the following story is so funny, I thought I'd share it.  

The assignment was to portray a well known fairy tale in a different light...

 

Once there were three pigs. When you first saw them, you thought they were innocent, cute little pigs. Bradley, Morgan, and Dylan were not the average pigs. They were actually thieves, pirates, scoundrels, and many other names to go along with those.

I bet you are wondering what part the wolf has in this story? I will tell you. On a dark night, three short huddled figures scurried through the dark alleys of the city. They were hurrying over to a small house on the outskirts, away from passing visitors. Those three huddled figures were part of the biggest thieving system in the world, recruiting the best thieves worldwide.

That night, in that shady house, they talked with their master. Their master never let anybody see his face, always wearing a mask, even when he was meeting his top thieves. Everyone called him stonemason. They called him that because he could break through any wall in the world, without making a single sound. He was that quiet.  That night, he told them that the authorities were everywhere, and that they were on to them.

They discussed a way to lead the authorities off their trail, and they came up with a great idea. Why not frame somebody? The pigs knew exactly who to frame too. Who had always tried to eat them? Who was the biggest threat to the pigs’ lives? The three wolf brothers of course. So they decided to frame them.

 

They decided to rob a place that was really important. Somewhere they could make a lot of money and still be willing to give up a few items by planting them in the wolf’s houses. They decided to rob the queen of England, because she had so many valuable items in her house. They would travel there and back in their private jet.

 

They left for England that night, with a bag full of their usual break-in tools, and then another bag full of sleeping drugs. They arrived in England at four o’clock in the morning, a good time to start the mission. They took the bag of sleeping drugs to the castle; bypassed security by walking past them casually, and got ready to do what they had to do.

They headed to the kitchen, scurrying through the secret passages in the walls that they had found on their last visit there. They snuck into the kitchen, knowing that if the people were asleep they could do their job more easily. They waited for hours upon hours, until the chefs started cooking dinner. When the chefs started to cook dinner, the pigs would drop sleeping powder in the food every time the chef turned around to do something else. Bradley snuck the powder into the drinks, Morgan snuck the powder into the pudding, and Dylan, being as dimwitted as he is, snuck the powder into the napkins.

To be continued...

garden song.

Words are sparse today. Buds and blossoms are not. I'll let them do the talking.

My front yard.

My impatiens color this year.  Next year it will be fuschia.  Last year it was blue pearl.

This rhododendron has come to live with us.  It seems pretty happy. So far.

Succotash bird lives by the fountain.

This is not his house.  Although, I did get all the bird houses re-attached to their posts this week.

Clematis.  I call her Clem.

Her great-grandmother came with me from my old house. Her babies are frolicking at her feet.

Climbing Hydrangea. I call her Dranged. (de-ranged, get it?)

That's it little bug, do your business.

Asparagus.  I call him Gus.  Okay, I'll stop.

The raspberries are laden with buds and baby berries.

Lettuces are so close, I can almost taste them.

Beets are getting fat.

And the smell of Lilac wafts on the breeze.

Happy Monday friends.

profound sorrow

Okay, normally I would not share this sort of thing.  But I find it so absolutely hilarious, I can't resist.

The boy's passion in life is Lacrosse.  No, that's not what is funny.

His head failed in a game. (he has a back-up)  That's not funny either.

But his reaction was. The whole way home, he cradled it in his arms. He carried it around for the rest of the night. I kid you not, when I checked on him in the night, it was in his bed. And then, he brought it down to breakfast with him, lamenting it's loss. He said things like "it feels like part of me is gone," "we knew each other so well," "how will I ever find another partner that was so perfect."

I laughed. And laughed. And laughed.  You know, just in case I haven't already given him enough material for future counseling sessions. (he did laugh too, by the way)

So this morning I sat down to muddle my way through a re-string. If I hadn't felt so bad for the kid, I never would have done it.  It's hard.  And it hurts.  I have the blisters and rope burns to prove it.

He'll see it when he gets home from school today.  And I know, it will have been worth it.

the beauty in chaos, chapter 5

This is what happens in my house if you turn your back for a minute.

We were hurrying to get ready to go to a party.

She said she was making herself beautiful.

I thought about that and realized,

Beauty is, after all, in the eye of the beholder.

addiction

Hello. My name is Caroline Thornewill, and I'm an addict.

I can't walk into a garden store and leave with only one plant.

Even if I have no idea exactly where they will go.

I just can't stop myself.

And then.  Then.  Then I get to the register.

And say, "Excuse me?  Can you add that again?"

I see the pity in her eyes, and I know I need help.  Anybody have an extra pair of gloves?

a beautiful thing

Our fancy pants coffee machine that Santa brought went kapoot a few weeks ago, and it made me realize just how truly addicted I am.  As in, life-has-no-meaning-without-coffee addicted.

Not wanting to re-experience the deprivation, I upgraded a bit. (btw, THANKS Costco for your amazing return policy)  And it came FAST. (again, THANKS Costco)

But one side of the box looked like this.

Yep, right down to the packing styrofoam. I'm ashamed to say that my heart did a flip flop.  This could mean another 2 weeks without coffee at my fingertips.

Okay, the moment of truth.

OH, thank heavens for Swiss packaging, and sturdy styrofoam. Although, I'm now struck with how much this looks like a couple of udders. Hmmm...

Even so. THAT, dear friends, is a beautiful thing.

not today

Her outstretched hands grasped for my legs, but, harried, I danced out of the way.

She hit the floor with a thud.

And I thought, when is the right time for them to learn self reliance, and to pick themselves up off the cold hard ground?

She lay there prostrate for about 5 minutes before I scooped her gently into my arms.

And I realized, not today.

way too much chaos and not enough beauty

Since we had my cat put to sleep around Christmas, I've had an on again off again issue with mice thinking my house would be a swell place to set up shop.  I, however, am not too keen on the idea.

I saw it run across my floor this morning, and that was the proverbial straw.

I decided to make it very clear that these are invitation only digs.

So I rallied all my troops to send the message.

The welcome mat is gone.

Replaced with Peppermint oil and steel wool in every possible crevasse. 

But part of me wonders just how much it will hurt if, in the end, I'm outsmarted by a vermin.